Surely almost all the decisions of the wedding have been made by the two bride and groom. You have chosen the perfect estate for the wedding, the church, the ideal menu so that all the guests are happy, the wedding photographer who will immortalize the most special moments, the music that will spice them up… and suddenly, choosing the outfit for th kids you find that the parents of the children have their own ideas…
In many cases, the parents of the courting children give the grooms total freedom in choosing the outfits, but in others, the grooms find themselves in stressful situations that they have to deal with so that the children look exactly the way they want.
What to keep in mind when there is a diversity of opinions?
The first thing to consider is who pays for the ceremony dresses. It seems a bit frivolous, but it is very easy that when each father pays for his children’s suits, they want something that they see favored or that they can later reuse. When the parents are the ones who pay for the suits, the bride and groom have to give them some free choice clothes in case they want to opt for cheaper options. Some clothes that we can let parents choose are:
They are usually relatively expensive garments that are not worth imposing because although footwear is important in all outfits, attention is usually focused closer to the face. We also have to take into account that it is a quite sensitive garment for many children who, if the shoe bothers them, if it is not in a certain way.
For spring or summer weddings, we can opt for outfits in which it is not necessary to wear a jacket, for example, choosing dresses with sleeves and long-sleeved shirts for children. For those of you who are more cautious and want to have an option in case the little one is cold without imposing a specific model, you can ask the parents to opt for a jacket of a specific color that goes well with the outfit, and you can even ask for a concrete style, for example, you can ask them to buy a beige knitted jacket, so that all the children go with a similar accessory. The key so that this does not involve an extra expense that is not used later is to take accessories that parents can surely use on other occasions: For example, a dull cardigan, which, worn with a shirt and jeans, is informal.
As in the previous cases, socks are garments that children can generally wear on other occasions and that will make the outfit more uniform. You can ask parents for high or ankle socks and ribbed or openwork. Depending on the temperature, you can write a message on your wedding day in the morning asking them to put on their socks or jackets or not. If you can wear it on other occasions, it is not important to buy this complement “just in case”.
In these cases, it is best to choose easy colors for courtship outfits that can be found in stores. Some of these colors are white, beige, tan, gray, black, tan color, light pink and in some cases aqua green. For winter weddings, keep in mind that socks, jackets and hair accessories will be very easy to find in colors that are usually worn in school uniforms: charcoal gray, navy blue, maroon and bottle green.
What to do if you do not agree with the parents of courtship children?
In case you can’t agree with a dad, you can negotiate. If all the parents have accessed a model except one, you can collaborate in the payment of all of these. I don’t like to constantly talk about money, but according to our experience in Quémono, most of the time the problem comes from here. I continually hear phrases like “well, I don’t want to pay for shoes that I don’t like” and we have to understand that even if we don’t want to repair expenses in our own wedding, not everyone will be willing to spend the same amount.
Another of the possible negotiations (in case the previous one is not enough) will be that of time. You can ask them to only put the flower crown or jacket on for church or photo time and maybe that will convince them.
Other issues that we sometimes find is that it is the child himself who causes problems. In this case, it is the bride who has to understand, for example, that the girl does not like to wear dresses or that the boy has atopic skin and that fabric bothers him a lot. Depending on what the problem is, we can try to talk to the child and convince him, and if not, we usually find a solution so that everyone is comfortable.
On some occasions, another issue that comes into conflict is the relationship between the groom or bride and the father with whom they have the dissagreement. If it is the bride who is managing the issue of dresses and does not get along with the groom’s cousin who decides on the clothes that her son usually wears (make no mistake, these things usually happen), it is best that it be the boyfriend who brings up the subject with his cousin or even asks his parents for help. Let’s look for the best relationship (keeping it natural) within the possible links.
In these cases the best thing is empathy and assertiveness. That is, understand why they are telling us no and express in a reasonable way why we want it that way.
In the latter case, the best thing to do, in my opinion, is not to get angry. It is never worth getting angry or losing relationship for a wedding. We must always try to make someone give in, if all the children wear a crown, except one, there will also be some beautiful photos, nothing happens.